They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
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I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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