My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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