I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
