I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
