I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
