Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
