Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
