Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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