i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
