Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
