Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
