I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
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