those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
