i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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