would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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