I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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