Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
