Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
