you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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