Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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