Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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