If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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