Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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