everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
