I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
