he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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