Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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