i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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