That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
