He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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