The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
