I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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