Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
