Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
