Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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