I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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