theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
