Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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