You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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