You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
