just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
