sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
