What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
