you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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