I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She announced her abortion via fbk
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
