i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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