I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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