I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
