On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
