the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
