a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
