3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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