I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
