I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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