I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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