I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
