Pappa wants mamma naked
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.