What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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