I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
