dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
