just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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