I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
