last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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