I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
