hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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