can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
