Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
