I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
