You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
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Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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