Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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