Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
from now on my penis is your penis
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
