I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You dont lie about slip and slides
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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